The Sacred Echo by Margaret Feinberg

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been reading a book called the Sacred Echo
by Margaret Feinberg. Reading isn’t really the full verb I should be using here. More than reading I’ve been identifying, feeling, relating and experiencing the ideas about the voice of God expressed in this book. Margaret gives a very vulnerable look into what it really means to hear God’s voice calling out to us and reverberating in our lives. As I picked this book up, I quietly wondered where my thoughts were on the topic. I was once again grimly reminded of the distance I have in my heart to listening for God’s voice. I feel like for myself and most of my surrounding immediate community the topic of God’s voice and how he is speaking to us is dormant in our everyday language. It’s just not talked about very much.

As I got into the book, I felt like a lot of good things were said and then I got really excited. I realized she wasn’t spouting theories, she was telling stories. I LOVE stories. I love hearing about moments in time where a person becomes aware of something God was trying to speak to them. Nothing is more powerful. I don’t care who the speaker or writer is, no three point sermon or seven step book can ever compare to the stories that exist in the world around us of how God is on the move in the hearts of his children. Reading on, I found that not all of the stories were of the EPIC, “how is that possible!?” sort. There were stories of clarity and also stories of confusion. It was definitely a book to identify with. There are times when I feel like the Sacred Echo of God’s voice is booming and other times when the cavern of life is frighteningly silent. In the midst of all of that we have an opportunity to learn about and draw near to our Creator. We also learn a lot about ourselves. As Margaret continued to unpack her thoughts about the Sacred Echo coupled with her stories, she reached a great balance of starting a dialogue about God’s voice and allowing God’s voice to speak through the stories she was writing. I felt some significant moments in this book where I wasn’t just reading about God’s voice…I was hearing it.

This brings me full circle to what I ended with in the first paragraph of this entry. As I neared the last few chapters in this book, I was confronted with a few things. In her chapter entitled, “Bring Them to Me” my heart was broken for the hurting people in the stories she told. They reminded me of people I know in my own life that live with a great deal of pain everyday. My heart also leapt for those in her stories that received the kind of healing from God that would be considered impossible even by a great many of us Jesus followers in today’s day and age. The final thing I was confronted with was already coming to the forefront of my mind even before I arrived there in the book. What has died in me that caused this idea of the Sacred Echo to be such a dormant part of my everyday life? As I read through her chapter, “You Are Not Alone” I was brought to the question of my past. What has happened in my life that would cause me to draw a line in the sand with God, self-protecting from being let down? What could have occurred that would cause me to have learned to hedge my bets when it comes to faith? Margaret talked about how these lines we’ve drawn can usually be traced back to a moment where we felt like our prayers or needs were met with an unsettling silence from the One who loves us more than we know. I don’t pretend to believe that this question can be answered by one huge incident in my life but I like the prayer she introduced at the end of that chapter, “Show me the lines I’ve drawn with You. I don’t want to be isolated from You or anyone else.” Something deep inside my heart stands up when I read words like that. Something very soulful and spiritual wants to run to God and just be alive. I want to begin praying this prayer and unraveling where I’ve lost that childlike ability to come before God with everything.

I know of one line I’ve drawn right off the bat. I didn’t have to ponder very long to remember this. For over a decade, I prayed for the salvation of an individual that I’m very close with. I deeply wanted and still want this person to experience the type of relationship that God had welcomed me into through the love and blood of His only son. As I continued to pray with no result, I began to feel a pain in my life for this person that couldn’t be remedied this side of Heaven. I feared that and began to back away. That fear turned into a deeper fear that reflects why I think a lot of us in my community don’t talk about the voice of God on an intimately personal level. That fear might look something like this. What if I call out into the dark and I don’t hear anything back? What if I’m alone? What if God is out there but doesn’t care? What if I’ve done something that has caused Him to move on? We say that we believe He is present, He is good, but do we really mean it? I know now that I have to be willing to go back to the original pain and find a way to embrace it. I need to face those cliffs and chasms of fear with the flight of faith. I believe God loves me and wants to speak to me. Now I just need to believe it. What about you? Where have you drawn lines with God? Where do you hear the Sacred Echo of God's voice reverberating in your life?

Lonely with Friends.

This isn't a pity post or a way of extracting more attention from people close with me. I'm just in a interesting mood today that has helped me rediscover something. Have you ever felt like this? Have you ever felt like you were surrounded by people you love and yet at the same time, felt kind of lonely? My wife and I have had this conversation numerous times before and I'm glad we did. I don't know that I would have brought this up with anyone if I didn't think anyone else ever felt this way. I feel weak and foolish when I get like this. I feel kind of like I shouldn't be so selfish and learn to just be content. However, feeling lonely within the proximity of loved ones reminds me of something else entirely today as well. We are created with a deep need to be near our Creator. The reason we are created like this is because He wants to be near us. The longing for relationship here is deep in our souls like a dry and thirsty seed well within the very center of desert. I really believe that there is a level of relational need that no human can meet for another human. I don't think this is an accident or fluke either. I think God has given us a hunger to be near him because He is hungry to be near his people and meet this need. As uncomfortable as moments of loneliness can be, may they be a reminder that the One who created us is constantly pursuing and desiring the company of his beloved children.

4.5 Days and Counting...

This Friday afternoon I'm playing at our local festival in Grand Rapids and I'm debuting material from my concept album, "The Search for the Great Cachalot". I couldn't be more nervous. Now, I play in front of people all the time but it's usually either worship songs on a Sunday morning with a bunch of people singing with me or playing rock music in a club somewhere. The funny thing is, this is different. I'm really putting myself out there. There is no band to hide behind. All of the material is mine alone. My words, my ideas, my insecurities. I am looking forward to it however, even if there are only two people there. (I really do hope that there's more!) Anyway, it's easy to do a lot of things that make it look like you are really being vulnerable and forced to take risks but then you are presented with an opportunity that pulls away the curtain and reveals who you really are. That is if you are willing to step up to the plate. I would love to know where others have been challenged similarly through various opportunities. Thoughts?

P.S. If anyone in the area is interested, I'm playing on the "Outer Fringe" stage at Michigan and Monroe from 3:15 to 4:00 for the Grand Rapids Festival of the Arts.

Cathedrals and Microphones...

I've heard in a couple of interviews from artists the likes of Sufjan Stevens, that some people have preferred to create and record music in inspiring locations as opposed to the traditional recording studio. I've personally been working on writing and recording my own stuff in the last few months and thought I would give this a try. I was really surprised with the impact it had on me.

I found a location in near East Town, Grand Rapids that was a perfect fit for me. East Congregational Church was built around 1929. Designed by Ralph Adams Cram, a famous ecclesiastical architect, the building holds an ornate, artistic quality that makes you want to be quiet and whisper when you enter. The same church dedicated a small chapel that seats 100 people or so, in 1931.

The Chapel itself commands reverence and awe upon entering. It is a small, intimate space with the chairs inside set up in the round instead of the more formal row idea. I set up my Mac and my M-Audio Box in the center of the room. The contrast between the Gothic atmosphere and my computer had a really cool impact on me from the start. I felt like a spiritual explorer invading a peaceful, untouched relic with my modern tools and technology...you had to be there.

I've been in there many days now over the last couple of weeks and one particular discovery has been a real find for me. The heater in the chapel kicks on for about five minutes, once every twenty minutes. At first, this was driving me crazy because I couldn't record for those five minutes and I would have to wait until it shut off again. However, I learned to use the time to review and absorb what I was doing. Basically, I would hit play on the track I'm recording and with my headphones on, and I would lay in the middle of the chapel floor looking up, soaking up the atmosphere around me. Seriously, I felt like I was being transported to another place. I don't know if people will resonate with these recordings the way I have felt recording them, but this has been an experience of a lifetime.

The one thing I've sacrificed here above all else is efficiency. There are places I could have chosen to record that wouldn't have pestering heater noises and would be available to me twenty-four/seven. I guess my question after this experience for myself and anyone that would listen would be, "In a fast paced society that will only get faster as the years go on, where else are some areas where we need to choose inspiration and creativity over efficiency? Is it always important to work faster and live faster, or could we be missing something along the way?" I would love to hear what you think!

Out of Town Friends

So having hit the married, thirty-something mark, it's been really interesting to revisit the whole, "making friends" topic. I believe that at different stages of life, a person will make friends in different ways. For instance, when you are in grade school it's all about who you hang with at recess. When you get into high school a lot of times it's who you are in a band, choir, sport, etc. with. College seems to be about your dorm or floor or suite mates. For me, the military experience led to some pretty given connections. You ate, worked and lived with the people you got to know there.

Having now moved into the married realm, it's a whole new set of rules getting to know new friends. For one, the shift with existing friendships is really crazy. I don't how it is for you girls out there, but a lot of us guys spend our single adult life being drop of the hat people. What I mean by this is that I rarely planned more than twenty-four hours in advance socially. So usually, with other single friends, we would decide the day of to hang out and it was normally left pretty open ended. There were rarely starting or ending times determined. This was life. Pretty frequently, the same group of people would end up hanging out, naturally giving you the opportunity to get to know each other pretty well.

In this new life stage, it's all about planning ahead. Now obviously that doesn't automatically mean that you can't get to know someone because of planning. However, what I didn't anticipate was that your social circle basically doubles with marriage. Between family, existing friends, new "couples" friends, co-workers from two different jobs, it's a wonder that you can ever even have a significant conversation with any one person. It can really start to feel like you spend most of your time trying to keep track of people instead of really getting to know them or, for existing friends, continue "knowing" them. It normally becomes an hour for coffee or lunch with someone and then you really don't connect with them significantly for another month or so.

Now, I'm a social person. Not in the sense where I need to be friends with everybody on the planet, I just get excited about the friends that I have and I want those relationships to get significant attention. Keeping this in mind, my wife and I had a couple of significant experiences with some friends after we were married that got the brainstorm wheels a turnin'. One experience in particular comes to mind.

Tim and Eve are friends of ours from Denver, Colorado. They were both a part of our wedding and before I knew Alicia (my wife), I had known Tim and Eve for years. The funny thing is, even though I knew them both, especially Tim, for a long time, I feel like our friendship has grown significantly in recent years and we live in different states. They've come to town and stayed at our house a couple of times. We've taken trips to Lake Michigan with them and Tim and I even made the White Castle trek to Lansing. (Tim is big fan of the mid-west and all it has to offer by the way.) Anyway, Alicia and I found our time spent with this other couple to be extremely valuable and we've really discovered that they are very important to us. The only thing is, they live five states away!

How can this be? How is it possible that we feel like we are barely scratching the surface with some of our friends here in town, but are really developing a cool friendship with people that we might see twice a year? Then, it dawned on us. We were carving out significant time for each other. When Tim and Eve come and stay for a few days with us out here in Grand Rapids or when we go to Denver, it seems like everything else in life is put on the back burner a little bit. We want to make sure that they feel comfortable and welcome in our home and city. We want them to have the best experience and so we show them all of our favorite places to go and things to do. They become our priority. Not for an hour, but for days at a time. How could you not be changed by this? Of course you'd get to know someone and develop a significant friendship with a person that you've set aside a week of your time outside of work to hang out with.

What's sad in my opinion, is how infrequently all of us set aside a good chunk of time for someone else. We've got important lives to live. Everybody seems to be on the clock all the time. This discovery with couples like Tim and Eve led my wife and I to a terrific idea. What if we started treating our "in town friends" like "out of town friends"? What would it be like to take somebody that we might run into an a semi-regular basis around town and tell them that we want them to be our out of town friend for a few days or weekend. What if they came to stay with us or us with them even though we only live a few miles apart. We could show them our favorite things about our town and they could show us theirs! Brilliant!

Obviously we can't do this with every friend all at once. What if though, we started planning on setting aside a few days once every couple of months. I know work still needs to happen and usually does when friends come in from out of town as well. However, when you come home your friends are waiting. Ever since this idea came to light we've tried it a couple of times with limited but significant success. What do you think about an idea like this? Does it seem feasible or valuable? How do you develop significant relationships with the friends you have instead of just occasionally touching base? I'd love to know! Life is too short to be too busy. We have to be proactive!

Why Do We "Go" to Church?

Reading something on line through an email or blog post is always tricky because it can be difficult to understand the emotional context through which it was meant to be delivered. As you read the title of this post what kind of emotional assumptions did you make? Maybe you read this and heard a cynical tone from a person who has given in to the futility of the Sunday morning gathering thing we do every week. Maybe you thought of more of a "desire to discover" tone pointing towards a person that really is looking for the deeper connection of why we do what we do with the whole church thing.

No matter what context you might personally put behind a question like this, I believe that almost any American living today would have something to say on the matter. There are a lot of us out there who make attending church a significant part of our weekly routine. Those of us who do might have questions like, "What are we really after here?" or "Which traditions that we engage in are helping us and which traditions are just empty traditions?". There is another group of us Americans that don't make attending a church part of our weekly routine. Those of us who don't might have questions like, "Why do people feel the need to drive to a building every week to connect with God?" or "What on earth do people hope to find spiritually by singing songs and sitting through some lecture every week?". These are obviously just a few of the questions and discussions one might engage in amongst a myriad of possible discussions revolving around this mysterious and strange thing we do every week. I think what's more important than anything is that people continue to ask these questions. We should never stop examining why we do things or don't do things when it comes to spirituality.

That being said, I really find it interesting that over the couple thousand years that Christ's church (including a gaggle of different denominations) has been around, our terminology has shifted some what. When you read about the church in the Bible, it seems that it was something we were to be. Over the years we have somehow adopted the idea that church was something we are supposed to go to. I know that a lot of people that attend a form of Church event might really resonate with both ideas, but I just find it interesting that this developed over the years.

Beyond that, I have to ask myself why I engage with a community every week surrounding the idea of spirituality. Am I attending to grow and develop spiritually? Am I attending to connect with God along with a bunch of other people, believing that something happens when we all try to do that together? (Where two or more are gathered....) Am I attending just because it's something I've done for a long, long time?

All of these things rattle around in my head from time to time. I really do wonder why most people come to church or don't choose to attend and I find the different answers extremely interesting. I'm not pretending that I think there is one hidden answer out there. I just think that when you bring up the topic of this church thing, it's always really enlightening to hear how people engage with this. Why do you "go" to church? Why do you choose to not attend? I would love to hear some opinions here!