Goodnight 2011.

Here we are again at the end of a year and at the doorway of another. As always, the questions that arise for me are, "What have I done this year?" "Did I accomplish anything that I set out to accomplish at the beginning of the year?" "Where did I drop the ball?"

On some level these questions that automatically pop into my mind this time of year surprise me. If someone asked me what questions would be important to ask at this time of year I'd probably come up with a completely different set. They might be something like, "How did I pursue God this year?" "How did I find myself pursued by Him?" "How did I love those around me this last year?" "What steps did I take to be more obedient to God this last year?" "What did I do to love my wife this year?" and finally, "What did I do to foster more hunger for Christ and foster that hunger in others?"

They may seem similar to the first set but the difference is subtly but definitively separate. The first set has to do with me measuring me and my success. The second set is still measurement but more a measurement of where God is on the move in and around my life. It becomes less about me and more about how He is lifted up and glorified through me and my choices. After all, ever since I was 15 years old, that became the homing beacon of my life. "Remember the cross." "Put Christ first above all for He alone is worthy." "Worship and cultivate hunger for the One who gave everything to know me and be known by me." "Love others as much as I love myself."

As I get older I'm reminded how a neglect of these questions and statements can turn a relationship with God into a religion about Him. It's my hope and prayer that I will continue to push further in to a true relationship with my Creator and that others would see less of me and more of the One who traveled far to live among us and draw us home into a loving relationship with Him.

As we say goodnight to 2011, let us all keep Christ deep in our hearts and as we remember how He came new into this world on a redemption mission, we too would go new into 2012 more in love with Him and in greater pursuit of the hurting and suffering.

Luke 2:14
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/15/bush.farewell/index.html?eref=rss_latest

Thoughts?

The Sacred Echo by Margaret Feinberg

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been reading a book called the Sacred Echo
by Margaret Feinberg. Reading isn’t really the full verb I should be using here. More than reading I’ve been identifying, feeling, relating and experiencing the ideas about the voice of God expressed in this book. Margaret gives a very vulnerable look into what it really means to hear God’s voice calling out to us and reverberating in our lives. As I picked this book up, I quietly wondered where my thoughts were on the topic. I was once again grimly reminded of the distance I have in my heart to listening for God’s voice. I feel like for myself and most of my surrounding immediate community the topic of God’s voice and how he is speaking to us is dormant in our everyday language. It’s just not talked about very much.

As I got into the book, I felt like a lot of good things were said and then I got really excited. I realized she wasn’t spouting theories, she was telling stories. I LOVE stories. I love hearing about moments in time where a person becomes aware of something God was trying to speak to them. Nothing is more powerful. I don’t care who the speaker or writer is, no three point sermon or seven step book can ever compare to the stories that exist in the world around us of how God is on the move in the hearts of his children. Reading on, I found that not all of the stories were of the EPIC, “how is that possible!?” sort. There were stories of clarity and also stories of confusion. It was definitely a book to identify with. There are times when I feel like the Sacred Echo of God’s voice is booming and other times when the cavern of life is frighteningly silent. In the midst of all of that we have an opportunity to learn about and draw near to our Creator. We also learn a lot about ourselves. As Margaret continued to unpack her thoughts about the Sacred Echo coupled with her stories, she reached a great balance of starting a dialogue about God’s voice and allowing God’s voice to speak through the stories she was writing. I felt some significant moments in this book where I wasn’t just reading about God’s voice…I was hearing it.

This brings me full circle to what I ended with in the first paragraph of this entry. As I neared the last few chapters in this book, I was confronted with a few things. In her chapter entitled, “Bring Them to Me” my heart was broken for the hurting people in the stories she told. They reminded me of people I know in my own life that live with a great deal of pain everyday. My heart also leapt for those in her stories that received the kind of healing from God that would be considered impossible even by a great many of us Jesus followers in today’s day and age. The final thing I was confronted with was already coming to the forefront of my mind even before I arrived there in the book. What has died in me that caused this idea of the Sacred Echo to be such a dormant part of my everyday life? As I read through her chapter, “You Are Not Alone” I was brought to the question of my past. What has happened in my life that would cause me to draw a line in the sand with God, self-protecting from being let down? What could have occurred that would cause me to have learned to hedge my bets when it comes to faith? Margaret talked about how these lines we’ve drawn can usually be traced back to a moment where we felt like our prayers or needs were met with an unsettling silence from the One who loves us more than we know. I don’t pretend to believe that this question can be answered by one huge incident in my life but I like the prayer she introduced at the end of that chapter, “Show me the lines I’ve drawn with You. I don’t want to be isolated from You or anyone else.” Something deep inside my heart stands up when I read words like that. Something very soulful and spiritual wants to run to God and just be alive. I want to begin praying this prayer and unraveling where I’ve lost that childlike ability to come before God with everything.

I know of one line I’ve drawn right off the bat. I didn’t have to ponder very long to remember this. For over a decade, I prayed for the salvation of an individual that I’m very close with. I deeply wanted and still want this person to experience the type of relationship that God had welcomed me into through the love and blood of His only son. As I continued to pray with no result, I began to feel a pain in my life for this person that couldn’t be remedied this side of Heaven. I feared that and began to back away. That fear turned into a deeper fear that reflects why I think a lot of us in my community don’t talk about the voice of God on an intimately personal level. That fear might look something like this. What if I call out into the dark and I don’t hear anything back? What if I’m alone? What if God is out there but doesn’t care? What if I’ve done something that has caused Him to move on? We say that we believe He is present, He is good, but do we really mean it? I know now that I have to be willing to go back to the original pain and find a way to embrace it. I need to face those cliffs and chasms of fear with the flight of faith. I believe God loves me and wants to speak to me. Now I just need to believe it. What about you? Where have you drawn lines with God? Where do you hear the Sacred Echo of God's voice reverberating in your life?

Lonely with Friends.

This isn't a pity post or a way of extracting more attention from people close with me. I'm just in a interesting mood today that has helped me rediscover something. Have you ever felt like this? Have you ever felt like you were surrounded by people you love and yet at the same time, felt kind of lonely? My wife and I have had this conversation numerous times before and I'm glad we did. I don't know that I would have brought this up with anyone if I didn't think anyone else ever felt this way. I feel weak and foolish when I get like this. I feel kind of like I shouldn't be so selfish and learn to just be content. However, feeling lonely within the proximity of loved ones reminds me of something else entirely today as well. We are created with a deep need to be near our Creator. The reason we are created like this is because He wants to be near us. The longing for relationship here is deep in our souls like a dry and thirsty seed well within the very center of desert. I really believe that there is a level of relational need that no human can meet for another human. I don't think this is an accident or fluke either. I think God has given us a hunger to be near him because He is hungry to be near his people and meet this need. As uncomfortable as moments of loneliness can be, may they be a reminder that the One who created us is constantly pursuing and desiring the company of his beloved children.

4.5 Days and Counting...

This Friday afternoon I'm playing at our local festival in Grand Rapids and I'm debuting material from my concept album, "The Search for the Great Cachalot". I couldn't be more nervous. Now, I play in front of people all the time but it's usually either worship songs on a Sunday morning with a bunch of people singing with me or playing rock music in a club somewhere. The funny thing is, this is different. I'm really putting myself out there. There is no band to hide behind. All of the material is mine alone. My words, my ideas, my insecurities. I am looking forward to it however, even if there are only two people there. (I really do hope that there's more!) Anyway, it's easy to do a lot of things that make it look like you are really being vulnerable and forced to take risks but then you are presented with an opportunity that pulls away the curtain and reveals who you really are. That is if you are willing to step up to the plate. I would love to know where others have been challenged similarly through various opportunities. Thoughts?

P.S. If anyone in the area is interested, I'm playing on the "Outer Fringe" stage at Michigan and Monroe from 3:15 to 4:00 for the Grand Rapids Festival of the Arts.

Cathedrals and Microphones...

I've heard in a couple of interviews from artists the likes of Sufjan Stevens, that some people have preferred to create and record music in inspiring locations as opposed to the traditional recording studio. I've personally been working on writing and recording my own stuff in the last few months and thought I would give this a try. I was really surprised with the impact it had on me.

I found a location in near East Town, Grand Rapids that was a perfect fit for me. East Congregational Church was built around 1929. Designed by Ralph Adams Cram, a famous ecclesiastical architect, the building holds an ornate, artistic quality that makes you want to be quiet and whisper when you enter. The same church dedicated a small chapel that seats 100 people or so, in 1931.

The Chapel itself commands reverence and awe upon entering. It is a small, intimate space with the chairs inside set up in the round instead of the more formal row idea. I set up my Mac and my M-Audio Box in the center of the room. The contrast between the Gothic atmosphere and my computer had a really cool impact on me from the start. I felt like a spiritual explorer invading a peaceful, untouched relic with my modern tools and technology...you had to be there.

I've been in there many days now over the last couple of weeks and one particular discovery has been a real find for me. The heater in the chapel kicks on for about five minutes, once every twenty minutes. At first, this was driving me crazy because I couldn't record for those five minutes and I would have to wait until it shut off again. However, I learned to use the time to review and absorb what I was doing. Basically, I would hit play on the track I'm recording and with my headphones on, and I would lay in the middle of the chapel floor looking up, soaking up the atmosphere around me. Seriously, I felt like I was being transported to another place. I don't know if people will resonate with these recordings the way I have felt recording them, but this has been an experience of a lifetime.

The one thing I've sacrificed here above all else is efficiency. There are places I could have chosen to record that wouldn't have pestering heater noises and would be available to me twenty-four/seven. I guess my question after this experience for myself and anyone that would listen would be, "In a fast paced society that will only get faster as the years go on, where else are some areas where we need to choose inspiration and creativity over efficiency? Is it always important to work faster and live faster, or could we be missing something along the way?" I would love to hear what you think!